^^
exactly what i said!..lmfao!.
^^
exactly what i said!..lmfao!.
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
Lets up on this ya know!.
ur F-N creative, luv tha pix 2...my boy zaq went out that way...sux i kno just wanted to say this is the best shit ive read on here today, so i thought id leave sum props.
thanks ma...appreciate it much!
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Good Piece.
Good solid piece.....you did nice with creatvity in your piece so we done cause you hit it on the nail.....The structure was good and the vocab and language style was good.....This had nice wording and emotion.....Good metaphors and descriptions.....Overall a good solid piece that read very nicely.....Stay Up.
-Thomas.
Legend.
RB Original.
Meta. Convicts.
18-0 Crew Record, 06-07 Best Crew.
thanks appreciate it!..
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it was a decent piece. the real weakness lays in the diction/word placement. in the begining it wasn't bad, but towards the middle you got sloppy. much of the content was like that actually - initially strong, but then weened off in the middle (started - then stopped in the middle) then picked up again (you went back to writing). that's what it seemed like. but uuuh ya, it wasn't bad ... it just didn't have the consistancy to keep me reading attentively. some lines i would love and really could feel the concepts of the metaphors and such, while others i hated. so, work on consistancy - in regards to diction more specifically, and you'll get there.
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
thanks alot atti..appreciate the feed.
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good peice james...i gives you a good picture, i enjoyed the creativity of this poem too...niice way to set into the poem with the "tap tap tap", haha i felt that.....but all together you stayed solid through out, and i felt this dawg....stay writing...peace j
This was a very good piece, Sylus. You had good
imegry thoughout your drop. Creativity was also
good. Good wordplay and metas. I was also feeling
the emotion of the piece. Nice vocab also. Overall
this was a very good read. My favorite part being
the beginning and middle.
In a maze of lost pleasure and joy.
Her eyes quarreled over what to feel.
She steers into dilated conversations..
Heart dipped from pots, to containers, to ponds.
Dripping slow off her heart casing; is her determination..
To live on with her dreams as they stand,
She quenches and curls while her stomach
Quells from obscure gestures of cruelty.
Past relishes convolute anti premises,
Loading; nothing more than an unkind base
Her body flailed in weakness,
With each gasp for breathe was one moment taken away
^Good shit.
lyricalz finest
thanks man.
bump!.
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Iight, its been a minute since i been around, and this is the first poetry reading since coming back, and for sure it definitely a well written and thought out piece, pretty glad to say i wasnt dissappointed with my 1st read, good vocab, imagery, and subtlety with your choice of emotion, shows intellect and grasps the readers attention. Nice into/ outro, and follow through. Feeling the complexity and definition, as well as direction with choice and key words to bring out the actual feeling of thought. Good piece homie, good to see you doing ya thing, and hope to see more in the near future...
One.
I can make you 'SUICIDAL' Apotheosis
thanks Kal!...word up son!...
iight poeta i think you could close this already!.
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bump.
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