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Thread: The Fourth Horseman

  1. #1
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    The Fourth Horseman

    “And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I beheld, and lo a pale green horse; and he that sat on him was called Death, and Hades followed with him. And power was given to them over a fourth of the earth, and that they should kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth.”

    .................................................

    The Fourth Horseman... more coarse than all those that oppose him/
    A prophecy foretold, force stronger than the mighty ocean//
    In slow-motion, a plague of lethal proportions floods the planet/
    Like an abortion there's no chance... you could never understand it//
    Beyond what you fathom, Death surrounds the Earth with his legion/
    A fleet of demons from an eternally darkness ridden region//
    The army screechin', only recruited those that were souls of heathens/
    All heavily breathin', waitin' to be feastin' cuz spirits is what they eatin'//
    He leads Hades and the army of soldiers unto the dirt of the Earth/
    To him lives are worth nothin', killing even those of new-birth//
    The worst, inject death through the syringe of war, plague and famine/
    This beast cries out and all 6 billion hear his voice slammin'//
    Boomin', he bellows like a lion to this small jungle of the universe/
    You think you the curse? but doubt is not what he is meant to-disperse//
    You will learn that when green horse can be seen on the horizon/
    You'll despise him, not even Satan could try to disguise him//
    So sit back and start building the coffin your family will put your corpse in/
    It's time for you to realize that Crook is the mighty Fourth Horseman//

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  3. #3
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    why is this forum so dead? up

  4. #4
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    ups......

  5. #5
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    this was nice man


    liked the idea of it


    content was sick
    flow was good

  6. #6
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    good lookin on the feed bro. stay up.

  7. #7

    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    This was tight, i fuck with this right here...

    read it out myself... and cuz of tha rhyme scheme tha flow comes off dope
    ill topic, nice use of vocab... tight lyrically thru-out...

    fa real only thing i'd say is try using more than 2syll multiz...like in the last bar... but thats it...
    imo everything on point in this... enjoyed tha read son, stay up #1

  8. #8
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    thanks for the feed bro. The last line was actually my least favorite, haha but glad you enjoyed it

  9. #9

    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    nah, i jus meant how u ended it, with tha last 3syll rhyming in tha last bar

    So sit back and start building the coffin your family will put your corpse in/
    It's time for you to realize that Crook is the mighty Fourth Horseman//

    but two every where else

    You will learn that when green horse can be seen on the horizon/
    You'll despise him, not even Satan could try to disguise him//

  10. #10
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    I see what you're sayin. thanks man. stay up.


    uppin.....

  11. #11
    Same OG Sting3r's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    You should make the bars like.. 1-2 words shorter, and this would flow a ton better.
    This topic gets touched on quite often, but i didn't mind the read. The multi's weren't amazing but you added a few inners. but since this topic gets done so often, you really have to break out and take a different view on the topic. don't just explain the concept.. tell a story, and be creative.

    keep at it, and thanks for the read on my piece.
    $usernamejoshs

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  12. #12
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Isaiah Thomas's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    Like an abortion there's no chance... you could never understand it//
    I liked that line...

    I also read it out loud and it flowed great, the content was cool & the multis were on point
    I liked this piece, lookin forward to reading more from you.
    The Truth- Second leak off of The Infinite Cycle

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  13. #13
    You've Earned a Custom Title! The Genesis's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    this shit was good, some of the lines seemed a lil' stretched, and you're multies fell off as it went on, but shit was well worded and nice attention to detail mentiong the plagues, famine, the green horse, all that shit was nicely executed, nice shit.

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  14. #14
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    Thanks to all for the feed... @ reflex... the fourth horseman is touched on a lot? or just the idea of destroying the Earth? I sort of get what you mean, but then I don't. and to me the first bar was the best, you just gotta read it right i suppose. but i agree i stretched some lines a little, but its not necessarily meant to go with a beat, it just sounds good when its spit. i really gotta get a mic because I've noticed my flow is hard to catch in some of my shit, its just my style i guess.

    thanks 2 all for feed, stay up. ill feed back on any drops if possible

  15. #15
    Banned Crookshank's Avatar
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    Re: The Fourth Horseman

    quit sleepin on me people....

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